What is Emotional Competance

Emotional competence is what results and enhances our personal, relational and professional performance, and what ultimately helps us attain an overall increase in our quality of life.  According to Daniel Goleman, Emotional Competence is a learned ability grounded in Emotional Intelligence.  

Emotional Intelligence influences our potential for learning the practical emotional competencies, and developing the emotional literacy necessary for quality of life, life satisfaction, and overall happiness.  Such skills include  the development of the following: Self/Social/Relational Awareness and Competence, and Self/Social/ Relational Management and Competence.

Life Satisfaction & Quality Of Life Coaching can be of great value to you if you answer “No” or “Not Sure” to any of the following questions:

Am I aware of my feelings and my thoughts and the connection between them?

Do I express my emotions appropriately? Am I reactive and impulsive?

Am I managing my emotions diplomatically?

Am I aware of the impact of my emotions on myself and others?

Am I receptive to other people’s feelings and needs?

Am I an effective communicator?

Am I aware of and respectful of my own needs and wants as well as those of others?

Am I aware of what motivates me personally and relationally?

What are the ethical values I live by?

What is important to me personally, professionally and relationally?

Am I effective in handling conflict?

Are my relationships thriving?

Am I feeling worthy, competent and capable, but also aware of my strengths and limitations?

Am I reliable and consistently guided by my values, visions and goals?

Am I open to recognize my own mistakes and my own strengths and contributions

Am I open to feedback?

Do I keep my commitments?

Am I accountable to myself and others?

Do I take responsibility for my actions?

Do I stand up authentically for my views and beliefs despite disagreement?

Am I open to change and respectful of diversity?

Do I operate effectively under stress and adapt appropriately to change?

Am I open to new ideas, receiving help, and collaborating with others?

Do I strive for optimal achievement of goals versus seeking perfection?

Am I self motivated?

Am I open to new learning, growth and development?

Do I have a sense of purpose in my life?

Do I have a positive view of self, others and life in general?

Do I have an optimistic view; am I operating from hope and possibility versus fear of failure?

Do I seek solutions or am I focused on blame, criticism and being "right?" or in control?

Am I satisfied and happy in my personal, family, relational and professional life?

Am I satisfied with my life?



Discussion and summary of emotional skills/competencies that enable us enhance the quality of our life.




Self Awareness


Emotional Self Awareness


Accurate Self Evaluation


Self Confidence/Self Esteem



Relational Awareness




Supporting Others


Building Partnership/Connection



Self Management


Self Control/Management














Growth Orientation





Relational Management


Positive Impact on Others


Conflict Resolution & Communicatiion


Collaboration & Connection


Instrumental in Managing Positive Change






Self Awareness


1. Emotional Self Awareness: People who are emotionally Self Aware know which emotion they are experiencing at any given moment. They recognize the relationship between their own thoughts and feelings and are cognizant of their beliefs, values and goals. 

2. Accurate Self-Evaluation: People who accurately evaluate themselves are aware of their strengths, but also recognize and accept their weaknesses. They are open to ongoing growth and development by learning from their mistakes and experiences, are introspective, and open to constructive feedback and new possibilities. 

3. Self Confidence/Self Esteem: These types of people are self-assured and know their self-worth. They present themselves and their views authentically and powerfully. They respectfully stand up for their views/truths even when doing so is unpopular. They make decisions and follow up with appropriate action. They are open and respectful of others’ opinions even in face of disagreement. 



Self Management


1. Self Control/ Management: These types of people do well regulating and managing their reactions/impulsive feelings/ distressing emotions. They stay collected, centered, focused and positive even in emotionally challenging situations and under pressure. 

2. Trustworthiness and Conscientiousness: These types of people are ethical and are ready to confront unethical behavior in others. They are consistently reliable in their commitments, accountable for their responsibilities, and keep their promises. Such individuals are straightforward and authentic in their communication, own their imperfections and the mistakes they make, are planned and organized with their objectives, and stand up strongly for their values and principles in every aspect of their lives. 

3. Innovative and Adaptable: These types of people are original in their ideas and open to new solutions. They risk thinking outside the box and are comfortable straying from what is familiar and acceptable. They handle multiple responsibilities simultaneously. They manage changing circumstances effectively, and are adaptable and flexible in how they manage changing priorities and circumstances. They are grounded in the present-“the here & now” - but also recognize the past as a valuable resource for information. 

4. Motivation & Growth Orientation: These types of people are inwardly motivated to grow and achieve desired goals despite challenges and difficulties. These people always adhere to ethical standards and principles, and constantly look to gain new knowledge and opportunities that are compatible with their vision and that will improve their overall conduct. 

5. Commitment/Integrity: These types of people are purposeful and intentional in their pursuit of their personal and common vision. At the same time, these people strongly adhere to ethical values, principles and standards of conduct. 

6. Intentionality/Initiative and Positivism: These types of people seek opportunities that go beyond what is required/ expected. They enroll, motivate and support others in the pursuit of a vision, despite set-backs and challenges. They are motivated by what is possible rather than by fear of failure. They face obstacles and set-backs realistically, and move forward from breakdowns or setbacks by intentionally looking for what is possible, rather than looking for who is to blame. 



Relational Awareness

1. Empathy: These types of people are sensitive and understanding of others. They listen effectively and respectfully and are attentive to others’ emotional cues, feelings, needs and perspectives. 

2. Supporting Others: These types of people support others to grow and thrive by focusing on their strengths and reinforcing their positive aspects rather than focusing on the negatives. They acknowledge and appreciate others for their contribution and conduct. They seek to develop and enhance relationships. They value diversity and differences, viewing them as possibilities. 

3. Build Partnerships/Connections: These types of people are “connectors.” They are friendly and outgoing and promote cooperation and collaboration. They seek and cultivate relationships that are mutually satisfying and valuable, and they promote harmonious interactions among people. 



Relational Management


1. Positive Impact on Others: These types of people are able to help people see the big picture and influence them in seeking out desired positive outcomes while adhering to ethical values and principles. 

2. Conflict Resolution & Communication: These types of people effectively focus on identifying positive solutions rather than staying stuck on who is “right” or who is “wrong.” They are open to dialogue and discussion and are authentic and effective in communication. They are empathetic and manage their emotions appropriately. They are straightforward and open to feedback, respectful listeners, and take responsibility for contributing to both the creation of a breakdown, as well as to arriving at an optimal resolution of any such breakdown. 

3. Collaboration and Connection: These types of people participate in creating and attaining life visions. They are compassionate and considerate of others’ needs and preferences, but remember to honor their own feelings as well. They are emotionally open and appropriate. They seek optimal solutions and are amenable to changing that which is not positively impacting themselves or others. 

4. Instrumental in Managing Positive Change: These types of people are oriented toward identifying the positive aspects of a person or a situation. They build on strengths and avoid blaming, judging, criticizing and pointing a finger. They take the initiative in identifying the change necessary toward the achievement of positive/desired outcomes.